Grief and Immobility
The Immobility in Grief- I Just Don’t Want to Move
The effects of grief on the ability to move the body is profound. It really interferes with some everyday functioning like getting up out of bed, making food, washing up, or doing basic chores and errands. The idea of going on walks and getting exercise is out of the question. Playing sports, taking a yoga class, dancing, vacuuming or washing the dishes? No not right now.
I take daily walks, enjoying the nature around me and observing the people and animals I pass. Whether strolling through the neighborhood or along a trail, I appreciate the sights, smells, and sounds of my surroundings. Some days, I listen to music or a podcast, while other times, I simply take in the environment. No matter how early or late I step out, I always feel content once my walk is complete.
Except in grief.
After my loved one passed away, the idea of going for a walk briefly crossed my mind, but I had no desire to move. Sitting, lying down, and sleeping felt more natural to me. I didn’t feel guilty about it either—it was as if walking belonged to some distant past, even though, in reality, only a day had passed.
The zapping of energy from emotional suffering is remarkable. It completely drains you. If that isn’t depleting all on its own, the effort it takes to think and focus on a task is incredible. The thoughts just don’t come. Reading or writing take forever. The executive brain function, responsible for decision-making, planning, and goal-setting, can be particularly impaired during grief, contributing to difficulties in comprehending information or formulating a cohesive and logical written statement. Listening to others when they talk to you- no you can’t remember what they just said.
Having no energy or will to do anything physical is very difficult and can lead to even more emotional distress. Everyone says “go on a walk…you’ll feel better.” You try to do that and if you make it out of the door you maybe go a few feet and turn around. Too much effort. Just no. Or you go and every step is so…very…effortful.
Grief wipes out motivation to take action. You don’t care that you aren’t moving. You don’t care about not eating. You don’t care about completing job duties (or care less) or other things you used to care a lot about. You certainly don’t have the brain power to think about making a new life or fulfilling old desires. That weight you wanted to lose or gain- don’t care. Those bucket list adventures and goals- whatever.
Some Suggestions for Handling the Inertia of Grief
Acknowledge Your Feelings – Allow yourself to experience the feelings you feel from the loss without judgment. Sadness, anger, guilt, disappointment, relief, hopelessness, regret, confusion, fear, anxiety -just a few of many that emerge. You can feel multiple emotions at the same time. Admit them aloud, write about them, talk to others, pray or paint; these are all forms of expression. This process helps in moving through this painful place.
Set Small, Achievable Goals – Those things you have to do. Break tasks into small, manageable steps to avoid feeling overwhelmed. Completing even one thing can foster a sense of accomplishment and bring some relief.
Prioritize Self-Care – Engage in activities that support physical and mental health, such as eating nutritious foods, getting some rest, and gentle stretching. If you can walk outside in nature, even for a few minutes, even occasionally, do it.
Seek Support – Lean on friends, family, or support groups. If professional counseling seems like it may be helpful, contact me.
Establish a Routine – Creating a structured daily schedule can provide a sense of stability and purpose, helping to counteract feelings of aimlessness. You can be flexible and adjust it as needed.
Practice Patience and Self-Compassion – Healing takes time. Movement and motivation may return gradually. Be kind to yourself in small ways, like making yourself a warm cup of tea, buying yourself some flowers. The lovingkindess meditation can be calming and nourishing to a suffering soul.
Grief can make even the simplest actions feel insurmountable, but through self-compassion, support, and small steps forward, it is possible to regain motivation and eventually re-engage with your life. Contact me for a free 15 minute consultation to explore how I can support you on this difficult journey.