External Stressors Amplifying the Inner Critic-An Anxiety Therapist in Orange County Weighs In
External Stressors- When the Inner Critic Takes Over and Amplifies Anxiety
Anxiety Therapist in Orange County, CA weighs in
If you wake up in the morning and feel like you are in sludge, and instead want to go back to bed but can’t because anxiety symptoms won’t let you, you know it’s going to be quite a day. Your body feels like it weighs a ton but also wired and restless, and you move so slowly you wonder if you are actually moving at all. It’s hard to focus on the morning routine and you have to constantly remind yourself of what you need to do. Then, you forget and it takes a bit to remember what you are going to do. It’s frustrating.
Life’s external stressors are creating havoc again.
You feel like throwing in the towel and giving up, but the worry comes and starts dancing on your fatigued brain. Here come the What If’s and avoidance behaviors. Better not do an exposure if you feel like this, something bad could happen. You can just do it later.
Relief from the anticipated threat washes over you and you momentarily feel better. As the day progresses that “better” feeling goes away and you start feeling physically sick to your stomach, and get a headache or feel super tired. Maybe you should just scroll your phone or turn on a show or take a nap.
I know it’s hard but what helps in the long run is doing your daily activities anyway. This is where lots of self- compassion and turning down the volume of the inner critic comes in.
Understanding the Inner Critic
The inner critic is that voice inside our minds that tells us we're not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. It originates from past experiences, societal expectations, and even well-meaning feedback that we’ve internalized as self-judgment. It especially preys on vulnerability and doubt, emphasizing skills you are less adept in and have more to learn. This critical voice often masquerades as a source of motivation, pushing us to do better. However, instead of fostering growth, it often leads to fear, stress, and inaction.
The Impact of Negative Self-Talk
When we engage in negative self-talk, it creates a cycle of self-doubt and anxiety. Over time, constant self-criticism can lead to an inability to enjoy achievements because they never feel "good enough."
Sometimes the self-judgment emerges with the “shoulds” : I should have taken more classes in this subject matter, I should have paid more attention during that training, I should have not eaten that food earlier today. These “shoulds” are not helpful right now. They tend to rub salt in the wound of an already difficult experience. And perhaps they become ruminative, coming again and again and again, reminding you on how you failed.
Recognizing the Voice of Your Inner Critic
The first step in managing your inner critic is becoming aware of it. Pay attention to your thoughts, especially in days like today. Ask yourself:
Would I say these words to a friend?
Is this thought based on facts or fear?
Does this thought help me grow, or does it just make me feel bad?
Once you start recognizing the negative patterns, you can begin to escape from their grip and challenge their validity.
Something that may bring some comfort at these times is acknowledging the feelings coming up and then taking action to do one positive action on your list of things to be done. It may take longer than expected but give yourself the permission to take your time with it. Done is better than not done. Partially done is also better than not done. It’s progress. Progress counts.
The Power of Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is the practice of treating yourself with kindness, understanding, and patience—just as you would a close friend. It is not about ignoring your mistakes but about responding to them with warmth rather than harshness.
The Three Elements of Self-Compassion
Dr. Kristin Neff, a leading researcher on self-compassion, identifies three key elements:
Self-Kindness vs. Self-Judgment – Instead of being self-critical, acknowledge that making mistakes is part of being human. Treat yourself with the same warmth and encouragement that a loving friend would offer you.
Common Humanity vs. Isolation – Recognize that you are not alone in misery and hardship. There is not one person alive who has not experienced difficulty sometime in their life. Reminding yourself of this reality can help lessen shame and inability that surface.
Mindfulness vs. Over-Identification – Mindfulness allows you to observe your thoughts and emotions without becoming absorbed by them. Instead of fully listening to your inner critic, step back and view it as just one piece of information put forth by the part of you that wants you to succeed.
How to Cultivate Self-Compassion
Reframe Negative Self-Talk
Replace self-criticism with more neutral or kind statements. Instead of saying, “I’m a failure,” try, “I made a mistake, but I can learn from it.”
Practice Self-Compassion Exercises
When facing self-judgment, pause and tell yourself:
“This is a moment of suffering.”
“Suffering is part of being human.”
“May I be kind to myself in this moment.”
Use Affirmations
Affirmations can rewire your thought patterns over time. Say things like:
“I am worthy of love and kindness.”
“I am doing the best I can, and that is enough.”
“Mistakes do not define me; they help me grow.”
Engage in Self-Care
Take care of your physical and emotional needs. Rest, nourish your body, and do activities that bring you satisfaction and comfort.
The way we talk to ourselves shapes our self-esteem, confidence, and overall well-being. While the inner critic chimes on, we can learn to manage it through self-compassion. By treating yourself with kindness and patience, you can create a more supportive and encouraging relationship with the part yourself that just wants to help. With practice, you can turn self-criticism into self-acceptance and growth, leading to a healthier and more fulfilling life. If you need someone to help you through a challenging time, reach out to me: (714) 941-2257 or email movemountainstherapy@gmail.com to schedule a brief chat to see how I can help.