Stress And Overwhelm-An Anxiety Therapist in Orange County CA reflects on a challenging day
I woke up yesterday morning with a looming sense of concern. Getting a cup of coffee, I continued my morning ritual of checking email and texting on a friend group chat. At first I focused on the worry thought I woke up with, but as time passed I noticed that it wasn’t just one concern I was worried about. I quickly assessed that there were many worries present that morning. A tinge of concern blanketed every existing and new thought. The daily news had an extra layer of concern, my day ahead seemed extra challenging, each task for the week seemed harder or had a feeling it would take up so much time. I felt irritable.
Good morning stress.
I have to say it’s been a minute since I’ve woken up feeling anxious or having anxiety thoughts from the get go. It took a bit for me to recognize how it presented for me. I detected that when I felt the overall dread, I wasn’t just minimally worried. I was anxious and now I had to figure out how to proceed with my day. I knew I did not want this to end in a day of rumination and worry because I had too much to do with work and errands. So, I let it be there and rolled up my sleeves to get things done that I planned to do. Dread, irritation and all.
When I look back, I think there were stresses piling on over the last few weeks but I did not think they were anything that I could control. We all get external stresses that happen and have to figure out what to do about them if anything can be done. I noticed that the weeks had been very busy and I did not take the opportunity to register that I needed to destress more than usual. That’s what happens when you become too busy.
Psychotherapist Joshua Fletcher likes to use the analogy of a stress jug. We all have different sized jugs depending on our environment, our physical and mental status, how we were raised, our personalities, and other factors. Every day a stress goes into the jar. Sometimes the severity of the stress fills the jar completely and it spills over, resulting in anxiety symptoms. When that happens, we need to take some time to empty the jar with acts of self compassion and self care practices. Some examples of this are eating healthy food, drinking water, exercising/moving, getting support from people/animals, seeking spiritual practices, expressing emotion or engaging in a leisure activity.
So my stress jug was getting pretty close to full.
What did I do as an anxiety therapist in Orange County CA?
1) I acknowledged that anxiety was present and I went about my daily walk and work anyway (self-compassion). I reminded myself that all my thoughts were presently affected, and their importance and urgency were viewed from an anxiety lens. I decided to make a list of actions I could take after my walk.
2) I focused on staying in the present (self care). I looked at the trees, the sky, the flowers on my walk and gave thanks for those. I waved to other neighbors walking dogs. I focused on what psychologist Rick Hanson refers to as “the good.” I looked at my 12.5 year old dog and decided to appreciate the fact that she was walking (focusing on that instead of how slow she has become given her age and physical condition). I also acknowledged that I could still walk fine (instead of lamenting on how slow I’ve become as I age).
3) When I came back home I realistically discerned what I needed to do first and what could wait until later that day or week. Work was priority so I attended to that and things went fine.
4) As day progressed some of my anxiety symptoms faded and others emerged. My car stalled on a freeway and I had to problem solve how to get to the shoulder of the freeway and obtain help. Physically, I was shaking, sweating and crying. Emotionally I was scared and angry. Cognitvely my thoughts were slower since my threat response was activated, so simple things took longer to accomplish. I had to take some time to find my phone to call for help. When on the phone with the tow truck driver who told me it would be 45 minutes to get someone to me, I advocated for myself stating that I was unsafe on a freeway and got timely help. Eventually able to get to safety. This day…what can I say.
5) The stress jug was filling back up quickly so I needed to take care of myself. I drank water, took some deep breaths and got lunch with my supportive and rational husband. I changed my clothes to get more comfortable and proceeded with other matters of the day.
New stresses continued to surface. A friend called with news of a tragic death and I drove to her house to console her. While there, I received a text indicating a major life change in our family was soon to happen that was good but unexpected (a kind of stress that is called eustress as opposed to destress). Another text stated that my car was going to cost $5000 to fix. Stress filling the jar.
6) As I drove the 30 minute commute back from my grieving friend, more anxiety symptoms manifested. I found that I was very uncomfortable driving. Fear of getting in an accident or losing control of the car came forward and this surprised me. I had not had driving anxiety since I was in a car accident many years ago. I instantly recognized it and kept focused on the road. I reframed my thoughts, reminding myself of the high likelihood of getting home safely. When I noticed that my hands gripped the steering wheel tightly, I eased my grip and relaxed my facial muscles. I looked around my environment and let up on the compulsion to stare straight ahead, and I eventually got home safely.
7 ) Figuring out dinner was next and took longer so we ate later than expected. I let go of the set dinner schedule and let myself cook at a slow pace. I reached out for social support. Friends and family were there to listen and empathize, and I began to focus on the needs of my family instead of my taxing day.
8) I gave myself continued self-compassion through some self care actions like going outside on my patio and helping my daughter plan a getaway with friends. This activity diverted me from complicated challenges of the day that required more time to process and consider solutions.
9) When it came time for bed, I was able to lay my head on my pillow thoroughly exhausted from the day. When an anxiety thought threatened to keep me up, I told my brain that it was a tomorrow thought.
Today I did not wake up with a dark cloud hanging over me. It wasn’t exactly sunshine and rainbows, but it was manageable. Many things I think about today are complex and not easily solved. Other things I can take care of and cross off my list. With my dog sitting next to me and the clouds parting to sunny skies, I sit outside and know I can handle it. I have the resources and support to deal with daily life. Things will be addressed, with some good and some not so great outcomes. In the end I believe it will be ok.
If daily stressors are piling up and overfilling your stress jug, feel free to contact me, an anxiety therapist in Orange County CA, to figure out what can be done to empty the jug and live a more comfortable and content life.