Acknowledging Loss in Grief
Anne Marie Ruta Buchanan
March 25, 2020
We are so focused on acquiring…get this, take on that, pursue this, gain that. What about the loss that is inevitable in our lives? Small losses, if not grieved, are cumulative and influence how we handle future losses. Our culture currently does not address loss, does not teach us how to grieve. It is secret…we are just quietly supposed to know how to handle it on our own, and move on to the next activity, task, relationship.
I encourage you to take a moment and let yourself begin the process of grieving a loss. Using the body may help in expressing your thoughts and feelings about it since words sometimes can’t adequately describe the experience. You can limit this activity to 10 minutes, or you can take longer depending on your schedule. Be kind to yourself and suspend judgment of any kind.
Find a quiet space to focus on your loss.
Take a deep breathe in, hold it for 5 seconds, breathe out slowly.
Focus on your body, gently stretching body parts head to toe. Notice an area that has tightness, discomfort, or pain. Imagine that is representing your loss. It hurts. Acknowledge the pain or discomfort and allow whatever thoughts/feelings arise. Take as long as you want in this place.
Now imagine the idea of pure love of God, a higher power, a positive energy source, or a positive memory of a friend/family member encircling the painful area. Begin to do something in your body that helps sooth the pain, like gentle rubbing or stretching. Repeat the movement with the thought of perfect comfort and love working to soothe the tension or pain. Know that the pure love is always present.
You are encouraged to write or draw your feelings about the “pure love” if you choose. You may also find an object that represents that love and put it in a place that you go to frequently to remind you of it’s presence. This love is a source of strength. It does not take away the pain, but is there to help you with it.
Grief is a process, which means it’s not limited to one good cry session, one movement exercise, or a good workout. But expression of your feelings, support from others, and healthy lifestyle choices can help you find moments of joy, love and purpose in your life. Be patient and gentle with yourself.